people are using the net to improve their lovelife than ever before.
A combination of busy work lives and living in an area full of
munters beckons many into the mysterious world of internet dating...
it is convenient rather than desperate or stigmatic to find romance
on the web. Indeed 9m out of 15m UK singletons have flirted with the
idea and the seeds for 1 in 6 marriages were sown via online dating.
It's a fantastic way to meet other socially awkward people. I
recently met a lovely girl from the net who shared my interest in
sport. She turned up wearing a football jersey with her name printed
on the reverse along with a huge number 1. I will definitely meet her
again. She's a keeper.
dating is now so popular in the UK (£100m+ annual turnover) that it
is used as one of the 650 measurements towards inflation. The
industry is hugely lucrative and is now worth over £3 billion
worldwide. That's a lot of money that could be going into stripper's
first online dating tip is never to show any desperation on your
profile. Save that for the first date. Chances are they will be
desperate too. All of the women on the 64 dating websites I have
joined are desperate.
dating is hugely diverse and caters for any individual no matter how
weird their fetish or religion. There are websites for Undateables,
Uniform fetishists (fuck the police!), Pets, Punks, Inmates, Pot Smokers, Midgets,
Married, Friends With Benefits (Scouser Dating I think), Mentally
Ill, Sugar Daddies and Mummies, Trekkies, Sexually Infecteds,
Farmers, Nappy Lovers, Ugly, Celibate and some other ones I haven't
yet joined. Can't find any Amish ones though for some reason.
pay for dating services; there are many free versions out there. You
will only be discovering people not smart enough to have cottoned on
to the fact you can get the same for free without all the bells and
internet is probably the best place for someone to cheat on their
spouse as the paper trail is minimal. It is a quick and easy way to
start a new relationship but an even quicker and easier way to end a
relationship if you forget to delete your internet history.
judging your date too swiftly. Genuine personality won't be uncovered
until their inhibitions have been tasered with the contents of a
hotel mini bar. With a bit of luck you won't have taken home a tranny
manny with a fanny.
looking for love on the net, avoid those with closely-cropped
pictures unless chubby-chasing. The closer the crop, the bigger the
blob. Chances are they will have butchered their pic to trim the
excess fat. Everyone's lovelife would be so much better if there was
a real life version of Photoshop where you could tidy up a fatty by
cropping bingo wings, thunder thighs, jelly bellies and other wobbly
bits. A physical version of beer goggles perhaps.
like with estate agents describing a home, familiarise yourself with
the lingo used in dating adverts and the underlying meaning. GSOH
means 'Good Sense of Humour'. It is so commonly used that those
without GSOH on their profile are often mistaken as miserable
is frequently used by chubbas as a way of marketing themselves as
more amenable. 'Athletic' means no jugs. 'Adventurous' means slag.
'Fun' means irritating. 'Open Minded' means unfussy. 'Outgoing' means
alcoholic. 'Happy-go-lucky' means manic depressive. 'Loyal' means
stalker. 'Homely' means mad cat lady.
exaggerates on the internet, in fact 1 in 3 openly admit to lying in
online profiles. The other 2 in 3 just don't tell the whole truth.
Lies seem an accepted part of online dating; so take each profile
with a pinch of salt. They are on a par with CVs and UCAS forms.
males exaggerate their salaries, height and the length of their
babymaker by 20% whilst age, weight and number of partners are
understated by females by at least a similar amount. Marital status
is conveniently forgotten and many females use their heyday pictures
to promote themselves. However, with a few more years under their
belt and a few more stone over the belt, you have to take your shoes
off before you can have a go on them.
everyone you talk to online is who they say they are. The internet is
awash with fake accounts from attention-seeking fantasists. I once
met an amazing busty 21-year-old woman off the internet - fine you
may think, but I was expecting the 13-year old speccy boy I had
patiently groomed over several months. You just can't trust anyone
are your relationship will not be exclusive so you may as well don
your wellies too and wade in and take a dip with others. There is so
much competition that the 3-day cool-rule no longer applies. Faint
heart never won cheap woman. You gotta be quick or you may have to
settle for sloppy sevenths.
first meeting should be a short date in a public place. That way you
have a chance to make a break for freedom via the toilet window when
they turn out to be ten years older than their pic and looking like a
photofit from Crimewatch. It's not a bad idea to have a second date
lined up for a bit later, just in case. Some line a date up every
hour in a mellower version of speed dating. Don't forget the wet
in 3 women who meet up with a guy off the internet will have sex on
their first encounter (not sure how many by choice; knives, drink and
Rohypnol are all leg-openers). Astonishingly 4 in 5 do not use
protection. No wonder Chlamydia is growing so rapidly. The STI that
is, not my black neighbour's kid.
and profile websites are estimated to be 10% full of scammers, 10%
other assorted fakes and 10% convicted sex offenders, so at the very
least 1 in 3 guys are creeps waiting to take advantage.
don't mind playing the long game and utterly buttering up a desperate
widow for her cash (margarine can also be used to grease the pan). I
Can't Believe It's Not Better reported. Middle-aged widows are
particularly easily spread (and very full of fat).
are a growing number of women just after a free feed in these
challenging economic times, and of course no shortage of guys willing
to feed the pony too. If you are a decent looking woman and don't
mind spending the night with a crushing bore, the guy is usually
prepared to put his hand in his pocket, hoping to park himself in the
lady pocket later on as recompense. They say there is no such thing
as a free lunch, dinner etc but there is if you are a slag.