Thursday, 22 December 2011

Women's Toiletries - Fact or Phallusy?

Have you noticed how women's toiletries are becoming increasingly phallic? Is it purely psychological or functional doubling-up? Why take two bottles in the shower? I just like to Gush and Go!

I have recently started observing more and more bullet-shaped fanny-rammers in the bathrooms of female friends. They do seem to fit well in a lady's hand, although I do find two hands preferable.

There is no doubt that sex sells. It is much less embarrassing to purchase a tall tin of dicky deodorant than a 12-inch diesel-powered 5-gear vibrator.

Looking at a can of Sure deodorant it made me think it could easily serve as an internal freshener (Boxfresh!) if it went off suddenly. It's not just me that has that problem I know.

There is a certain degree of irony behind an anti-perspirant making a woman wetter. They claim it stops you getting hot and sticky? Sure! The only way Sure could become more phallic is if they stuck a couple of cheesy bollocks at the bottom.

I decided to do some research into how 'widespread' the shapeliness was. On the Boots website when you navigate to women's deodorants you can now sort products by 'meatiest'.

Umberto Giannini seems to be the squatter's shampoo of choice. A good workout with one of these babies will certainly leave you well-conditioned. It hasn't quite got the bell-ended bang of a Sure but the sleek bullet-shape ensures it's the gift that never stops ogiving.

Even Palmolive does Soft and Genital. The name cleverly has phallic undertones – Jasmine and Cock Milk.

Other deodorants are available...

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